We've made it to 2021, it almost doesn't seem possible. What at times felt like the longest year, when I reflect it truly went by so fast. I encourage you to sit and reflect about your year, even if you weren't happy with it, reflect, savour the good moments, asses the bad and see where you need to shift. We need to both be grateful and see where we need to improve in our lives to insure this new year is more of what we desire.
Are you someone that makes New Year goals? resolutions? intentions? I was never much into it, I always found I did them half heartedly, I wasn't really even sure what I really wanted to accomplish. With age and a stronger drive and intention to make my life exactly what I want I've decided this year I'm going to make some clear, specific goals. I'm creeping up on 40, and I don't want to hit 40 and feel I'm not certain in my life and have missed out on getting it all together. So no time like now to kick it into high gear right? lol
Business wise I've always knew I wanted to have my own business, work from home and run the show. That has been clear since I was young. My parents had their own business, I grew up having them both around most the time, we never had to just do things on weekends, it was a pretty flexible schedule, so I have fond memories of that and knew I wanted that when I was an adult. I've searched and tried for years to find my way in my career, raising 3 kids, one who is special needs, a husband who is on the ocean for sea a lot, it hasn't been easy, a lot of dead ends but finally I am in a spot that I am clear in what I will be doing to create that entrepreneurial life I have always wanted. Now to really apply my skills, be dedicated to what needs to be done, and to help other moms find their way in their journey to working form home, so they don't take as many wrong turns as me! Life really is about using the skills you have to help others reach what they may not know how to get. Service will be huge this year, and that excited me.
My personal life I feel is just starting to get to a spot where I can breath again, the kids are big enough I can carve out a social life again, enjoy some hobbies in more frequency, have a little more time to do things for myself, it's pretty exciting. I'm creative at heart so I enjoy making, building, and creating things, both in nature and within my home so I'm very excited for the coming year to indulge more in things that make me happy, maybe even sell some of the things I love to create, there's no way I can keep it all lol
My health, I feel I live a pretty balanced life, we eat well, we live a healthy lifestyle, i've worked hard over the years raising kids to also not forget about myself and how I need to take my supplements and make sure I eat and treat my body well so I don't end up sick and not able to care for everyone, that's the last thing I want. There has been one area I have put off and Ive decided I'm not doing it anymore, EXERCISE. I have never incorporated exercise into my life, and now with some family history of heart attack, my age, and this new stage I'm not putting it off anymore, I have made the commitment that this is a top priority, phew, there I said it. It's happening and I'm excited, my goal is to become a successful runner by the spring, so I will start off getting my body ready for this over the winter and when spring comes i'll be ready to hit the ground running, HA! legit lol
So there it is folks! My plans for 2021, i'm excited, I feel confident and I encourage you to really figure out what you need to do to get where you want to be, if working at home and still raising the kids is on your list pop over to my FB GROUP where I can help you with some of the hard things that creep up, heck if you just don't know where to start my group is a great place to start.
HAPPY 2021
Ebony
It can be hard to reflect if you're not in a good place or if your not in a spot you are happy with. I encourage you to sit and reflect on your life often. How can we move forward in a direction we want if we don't know where we are. In business we are taught to asses and pivot as needed, that's how you keep a business thriving, it's no different with life we are always pivoting and changing direction. It can be so easy to get stuck in this idea of a path we have for our life and when obstacles, tragedy, emergencies, heck like throws us something we think that that plan we had, that idea of what we wanted for life is gone, and we can get stuck. I don't want you to be stuck, I was stuck, it sucks! We need to roll with life and pivot as needed, be flexible and go for that idea of life we always wanted. The path will look different but the picture can still be there.
For me it was having a daughter with special needs, disabilities, an unknown future. It definitely wasn't in my plans. I thought I was going to raise my kids, have a career, watch my kids thrive, grow and go off and succeed in their lives. Not the case with my second child, she will always be my dependent, be with me and be cared for by me. That's heavy and sad at times, but I've realized I don't have to let that keep me stuck, my path to my dreams is going to have to pivot and look a little different but I'm going to get there. Part of this path is helping other parents who are stuck move forward. It's time to stop wasting our time in a place we aren't happy with and move to a spot we are happy and thriving, a spot we feel we have a purpose and helping others, the world will be a better place if we all start to look for ways we can help people with the skills, and lessons we have acquired.
I encourage you to reflect often on where you are in life and if you're not happy do something, don't settle, do something to move yourself forward in a direction that gets you closer to what you always dreamed of, anyone can do it, it's about taking those first steps which I know can be the hardest. Much Love.
It really was a moment where the light switch flicked on. Doctors don't really tell you all the options there are, they just set you up with what they know or what the hospital considers the go to way. It truly is up to us to either ask questions, do research, or just do what you know is right. I'm more of the type to do research and then jump in with 2 feet. So first thing I did was ditch the pump, why do I need a pump and extra piece of mechanics to do the same thing I can do with a 60ml syringe, not to mention it is much less cleanup. Next I got myself a good blender, I chose a blendtec, by far the best investment to date. I use it for more than just her blends, soups, smoothies, sauces, the margaritas, and so much more, you will not regret it, you can grab it here.
I started to make simple real food blends that had babies first foods in them, so toast, basic fruits, simple proteins and fed that the first week to make sure I avoided things that could be allergens or hard on the belly, I slowly introduced possible allergy foods and fed them one at time in the blend for about a week to make sure no allergies were present. Very quickly once I noticed that all was good I just started blending it all, I learnt a few tricks along the way. You need to add foods with extra calories because you are thinning the food you blend down to be able to go through the tube, so things like gravies, pan drippings, peanut butter, jams, healthy oils like liquid coconut oil, condiments like mayo these all add some extra calories so I make sure I toss a few tablespoons in my blends each blend. Avocado is packed full of healthy calories and fats but it doesn't take much to increase the thickness of the blend to pudding, so I prefer to use avocado oil instead, there are so many great quality protein powders out there, utilize them they can really help make a hardy blend full of goodness, I'm a huge believer in supplements so I give probiotics through the tube, I have a juice that is full of antioxidants that helps to support her immune system, you can do all the things you would regularly do, just via tube. There are so many things you will learn and it's fun! It's so rewarding knowing you are feeding your medically challenged child real food to nourish their struggling bodies. It puts some normal back in your life when they can enjoy the same things we do at suppertime, I love blending a big jug of turkey dinner with all the fixings, cranberry sauce and gravy included.
I'm a firm believer that food is life. We nourish our bodies with what we feed it, we have colourful diets for a reason, we need to eat the rainbow to get all those nutrients, that we need to live and heal, and this shouldn't change because we have feeding tubes. I often ask people who are on the fence, how do you think you would feel if you ONLY, everyday, every meal, drank a white drink that had ALOT of sugar in it? Might you feel bloated? Heavy? lack of energy? brain fog? lack of concentration? I'm pretty sure non of us would ever consider only doing that, so why are we choosing for our loved ones to do that? It can't be the only choice and it shouldn't be. Humans are meant to eat real food. If you want to have more support pop on over to my Facebook Group, I love to teach on the importance of supplements, real food, recipes, the importance of water, all the things to help keep a happy healthy life.
Oh the dreaded self care topic, at least that's how I felt every time someone was telling me how they were lounging in the tub with a glass of wine. So what defines self care? The dictionary tells me it's something we do to take care of our mental, emotional and physical health. Ok still broad, ok it goes a little more specific if I read further on google, good self care is the key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. Ok, so why have I been told all these years I can't clean? hahahaha I clean kitchen at night and a pot of coffee ready to percolate all by itself at 5:10am sure makes me happy and melts my worries away.
I blame social media for much of this. You see endless amounts of spa days, wine tours, girlfriends getting together and carefree and having so much fun, hot tubs and wine, the list is endless. It seems everyone in the world but me is carefree and having the best times, right? Well social media is a sneaky beast, that I refuse to let trick me, because I know it's a trick, you know how I know, I saw a very candid post the other day from one of those wine drinking, hot tubbing hotties. It totally caught me by surprise, she was posting about how it may look like she does all these amazing things flawlessly and everything is just right but in reality her struggle is she can't just sit and be, relax, not do something. This was a great eye opener, we all struggle with something and social media can make all of that hidden if one wants it to be.
So what is self care for a special needs mom? well for me it's having a clean kitchen at night and sitting back and thinking heck I love my space and I'm going to love waking up in the morning to this nice clean spot and a hot coffee, it's sneaking off to the garden for 20 minutes and enjoying every minute of it, waking up at 5:20 and having 40 minutes of no kids and a hot coffee and planning my day, it's going for a brief walk around the yard and making a fall decoration for the doorstep. Self care for me is those brief moments I get to do something by myself, no talking, just my thoughts, I've had to think outside the box and get rid of all those stereotypical bubble baths and wine glasses, novels and hammocks, and spa days. The sooner you stop comparing the sooner you will become ok with the cards you were dealt, you may not have the best hand some days but it's still your job to play the best card game you can. Being ok with how things are and finding areas you have control over where you can improve things is a must. Try hard to not let the FOMO (fear of missing out) to creep in, it will take you down fast and hard. Make your home a place you love, have things you love outside of being a mom, find things that light you up inside, find creativity, find a love for cooking, all these things will help you as a special needs parent, they will help you not loose yourself, help you find the light when the day is dark.
Pretty sure when you think of being a parent you don't anticipate having a child with disabilities, at least I didn't. Marley is my second child and was born with a rare genetic disorder called Wolf-hirschhorn Syndrome. In the beginning there was so much unknown, she was born so tiny and from the beginning struggled to gain weight, she didn't particularly look like my husband or myself, but hey that didn't set alarms of immediately. So for the first 8 months of her life everything revolved around eating, she gained very little weight and always there was concern, I pushed everything back to she will start babbling more if she starts to grow, she will reach more milestones if she can just have more nutrition. Looking back it's very clear she was delayed from the beginning, hind site right?
At 8 months out of the blue had a seizure, scariest night of my life, I had no clue what was happening, it wasn't a full jerking seizure, so I didn't even know what exactly was happening. We landed in our local children hospital and after many tests it was determined she did have a seizure, but now the question was why? It's been a long road since then, doctors appointments, physiotherapy, speech, surgeries, countless stays in the hospital. I'm happy to say it's been many many years since she has had a seizure, her daily meds have kept those at bay, thank goodness.
You definitely become a different parent once you have a child with special needs and go through all the things it entails. It's pretty hard to freak me out with emergency scenarios now. I feel after witnessing and being in the thick of seizures, emergency IVs, emergency breathing tubes, sedations, major surgery recoveries that I've become that person that in times of stress I just focus in and keeps my eyes on what needs to be done. I'm sure this has it's downsides to but for now it's gotten me this far with my head on straight lol
Our days probably look a little different than most peoples. When you have a child that relies completely on you, things take longer. Marley has a feeding tube, so 4 times a day I need to sit with her and feed her meals. It's not the same as passing food over to your kids, it's time consuming and takes up a huge portion of the day. We now have to plan our days around this. So town trips, errands, outings, gardening, outside play, these things happen in between feeding times. I'm the person that always sees the light between the darkness so having a feeding tube is no different. Marley gets all her meds through the tube so there's no worry on the dosages being spit out, she has an extremely healthy diet because I cook and blend the food she eats, no worrying about "mom I don't like it", so piles of spinach, vegetables, healthy proteins, but I couldn't do it without this bad boy, this blender has changed our lives Blendtec Blender. She has a nurse at school who comes to feed her lunch and the big joke of the day is from the color of her food and the smell "what's Marley eating today" there's been a few times that I've gotten a txt because they have no clue.
Children with disabilities changes your life and makes everything you do harder. It's no longer easy to just scoot to the store and run errands, pop over to a BBQ, or head out to playdates. The things you need to take, the extra energy to do these things seems exhausting at times, I have 2 other children to, so accounting for keeping an eye on them while I'm completely tied to Marley has definitely made me make the choice of not going many places. I sometimes feel exhausted just thinking of the outing, I need to work on this, none of us want to have our other kids miss out on fun because we don't feel like it, we also don't want to lay the reason on the child that has the disability, but let's be honest many times that is the reason, yes, at times guilt creeps up, sadness, I nip it in the butt quickly, I don't allow it to take up space in my life, it isn't going to help me enjoy the days. We live on a lovely property, so much nature, great grandparents next door, a dog, chickens my kids have a great place to enjoy their childhood. But I am very realistic that's not everyones scenario, so I want to create a place to help you manage your fears, problems, stress whatever your day throws at you, I want to help you tackle it. Head over to my FB GROUP so you can connect with other people who probably have some of the same things in common with you.
